


Let Your Heart Be Light

by Cefhclwords



Series: Ficmas 2019 [6]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: AU, Anxiety, Blackouts, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fear, Fluff, M/M, Neighbors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 16:27:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21831034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cefhclwords/pseuds/Cefhclwords
Summary: Day 6 of the 12 Days of FicmasBased on the prompt: The power goes out in our apartment building, but I’m not prepared for this, and you come to check on me
Relationships: Dele Alli/Eric Dier
Series: Ficmas 2019 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1568377
Comments: 12
Kudos: 54





	Let Your Heart Be Light

**Author's Note:**

> Little Christmas snow flakes!! we are halfway through I can't believe it can you! we are so close to Christmas I can't believe it! as always I really hope you enjoy this one! the longest of the bunch so far and something a bit different!! I hope you like and I'd really love to hear what you think of this one!! Comments and kudos keep me alive in Christmas retail. ❤️❤️❤️❤️hope you are all having a good week. 
> 
> (small warning, not sure if needed, but I do have a description of anxiety/ start of an anxiety attack. I tried to keep it mild but just as a heads up to anyone that may get anxiety from reading descriptions of it! again this is just an extra warning to make sure I don't accidentally upset anyone!!) <3

Dele was waiting last night’s fried rice leftovers to reheat in the microwave when it happened. At first, it was a split second flicker of the lights overhead and Dele shrugged it off as the family next door probably plugging in some elaborate Christmas light display, but in the next second, the small flat was plunged into darkness. 

Dele’s heart rate spiked suddenly, a thundering in his chest that stole his breath from his lips. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut for a moment before he blinked them back open as if this was some glitch and the lights would come back on. He only found darkness when his eyes opened once more and he swallowed hard, tried to think as his heart rate continued it’s pace upwards, breaths coming out in shallow pants. The room felt full and empty all at once, walls to his chest and miles away. 

Tears quickly flooded Dele’s eyes and he bit down into his bottom lip, his hands curled into tight fists, panic quickly filled his throat and constricted his breaths. His ears were filled with the sound of his own heart hammering in his chest.

He was in his house, his home, his little flat that he’d been in for a few months now, that he knew inside out, safe and familiar, he tried to tell himself. 

But now, now it felt like a nightmare of dark, unknown, threatening space. Dele grit his teeth and drew in a long deep breath through his nose, tried to fight the fear brimming up and threatening to spill over completely and focus on what he needed to do. 

His phone, fuck his phone, Dele thought desperately angry at himself for not thinking quicker. 

Dele reached into his back pocket, dug out his phone with shaking fingers and scrambled to press his thumb flat to the home button and unlock it. The soft glow of the screen alone was slightly comforting but Dele was quick to flick up to bring up the phone menu and press down on the flashlight symbol. 

The bright white light flickered on immediately, Dele dragged his thumb up the scale to full brightness, illuminating the white tiled floor under his feet. A rush of breath finally managed to rush past his lips and he felt a small sense of relief in his chest, a split second reprieve from the terror that had tangled up in his ribs and chest and heart, even his stomach felt tight with uneasiness. 

Dele curled his toes down against the cold tile and scrubbed over his teary eyes, swallowed heavily as he looked down to his phone screen trying to focus on what to do next as they darted over the familiar picture of his home screen, the apps, up to the time and then the battery bar. 

Fuck, oh fuck Dele thought desperately and another wave of nausea rolled thick in the pit of his stomach, a fear lurched in his chest, one that threatened to crawl out his body and take over him completely. His nails bit into the palm of his hand as he squeezed his fisted hand over and over. The small white text in the upper right corner read 2% by the battery bar that only held a red sliver of colour at the very end of it. 

A whimper collapsed in Dele’s throat, an aborted sound of desperation as he realised the situation he was in. “no, no, no, no” Dele muttered under his breath, no charge on his phone meant no flashlight, no flashlight meant to way to navigate his home. 

It's not like he could charge his phone with the power out, so once the battery hit 0% he was without a light. Dele was sure that he had no candles in the flat, the one he usually kept in his bathroom, he had burnt to the end just last week, clearly remembered throwing the black glass holder into the garbage. 

Almost no phone, no candles, and all other lights useless with the power cut out- and for god knows how long. 

Dele felt the dread turning into tight anxiety around his throat and press in heavily on his chest, breaths coming in stuttered shakes. He felt paralysed, unsure what to do, unable to think of anything outside of the pitch-black home, all night, big dark house, no way to break through it or stop it, he was stuck in the middle of his worst nightmare, the space around him unpredictable and threatening.

It would get him, somehow something in the dark would take him apart, there was nothing there and everything at once- he needed- he needed, Dele pressed and flat to his chest when he suddenly heard a sharp knocking sound. It took a few moments for him to process the sound, where it even came from. The knock rang out again, a loud and sharp that for a split second lurched fear heavier low in his gut before he realised the sound was coming from the direction of the front door. 

Dele’s mind stumbled but in an instant he had his hands reached out to feel his way out of the kitchen, took slow careful steps forward as he blinked hard to make his eyes adjust. It wasn’t even like he had the streetlights from outside to help, those too apparently had been effected in the blackout. Dele’s only slight help was the faint moonlight coming in, even then it was a struggle to get across to his front door. 

Dele’s breath was ragged by the time he made it to his front door, tears falling thick and fast down his cheeks as he scrambled for the door handle. He’s not even sure what he was seeking on the other side of the door, why, in the middle of his mind spinning out that answering the door made sense, but it did. Maybe on the other side of the door was something better than the fear swallowing him whole and dragging him under. 

Dele got his fingers around the door handle finally and pushed down hard on it, tugged it inward with a rush of air. It took Dele a split second to recognise the figure in front of him, illuminated by the soft glow of a flashlight held tight in the persons hand, but the flash of spiked blond hair, scruffy beard, soft line of his nose, the scent of his cologne - it Eric. 

“Hey Del, I know it’s-” Dele cut Eric off when he launched himself at the other man, wrapped both arms tight around his neck and a sob fell loud from his lips as he pressed in tightly to his boyfriend. 

“Eric” Dele gasped out, pressed his face into Eric’s shoulder and breathed him in, his fingers gripped tightly to Eric’s jumper, took handfuls of the fabric and held tightly to him, the feeling of Eric’s body strong and safe under him. 

“Hey, hey, hey what’s going on? Come here” Eric’s voice was a soft whisper, his arms were around Dele in an instant, wrapped up tight, pressing their bodies together, his lips pressed to Dele’s ear, voice low and comforting. 

“It’s okay baby, what happened? Did you fall? Did you hurt yourself when the power went out?” Eric’s voice was low and rambling, Dele shivered and buried his face further into Eric’s neck, muffled a whimper and shook his head, his breath gasping.

“Not hurt” he muttered out after a moment, unable to say anything more. Eric just nodded back, one of his hands coming up to the back of Dele’s head, thumb rubbed back and forth gently. 

“Ok, ok” Eric’s voice was soothing, a slight note of confusion, but warm and familiar nonetheless.

“Hey, I’ve got you, come on” Eric kept his arm wrapped low around Dele’s waist and walked them back into the apartment, Dele whining a little at going back into the darkness, his hands curled tight into Eric’s jumper. 

Suddenly somehow they were in the kitchen, Dele able to tell from the cold press of tile on the bottom of his feet. Eric’s hand began to pet rhythmically down the back of Dele’s head, and Dele tried to focus on the feeling. 

“Talk to me Del, what’s going on? When the power went out and I thought I’d come up to check on you, make sure you had candles and stuff, thought maybe we could wait it out together but did something happen? Are you alright?” Eric’s voice as low and soothing, and Dele felt some of the uneasiness settle. Eric’s voice was sure and strong, his arm around Dele, hand firm on the back of his neck. 

Dele blinked rapidly as he pulled back from Eric’s neck, looked up at Eric who was slightly blurry in his teary eyes. “You have candles?” Dele asked in a shaky voice, sniffled as he waited for the reply.

“Yeah, yeah- I do they are at the door, do you want me to get them?” Eric asked voice kind as one hand moved to brush through Dele’s hair gently, his palm coming back to Dele’s cheek, looking over his shoulder quickly. 

Dele nodded eagerly, his hands moved to lay flat on Eric’s chest, fingers twisted up in the fabric. “Please” he asked, his mind still running overtime on trying to escape being trapped in a dark apartment all night. 

“Alright hang on” Eric nodded, and moved to step away from Dele who let out a small embarrassing whine, his fingers twisted sharply into Eric’s top. Eric just hummed and one hand came up to gather Dele’s, tangled it with his own. 

“Come on love, with me” Eric squeezed Dele’s hand and reached his other hand up to wipe away to wetness on his cheeks, leant in to seal a soft kiss to his forehead. 

Eric lingered there for a moment, pressed one more feather-light kiss before he drew back and gave Dele a soft smile. Flashlight in hand, Eric walked them back to Dele’s front door where he’d dropped his backpack when Dele had launched himself into his arms when he stepped in. Eric scooped the backpack up, loading it onto his shoulder before he turned to Dele once more.

“You want to go to your room?” Eric asked and Dele shook his head, heart still running it’s fearful pitter-patter, heart somewhere in his throat. Not his room, too small- too closed in when it was completely dark. 

“Couch?” Eric suggested then and Dele nodded firmly, squeezed Eric’s hand twice as they made their way into the living room, Eric guarding them by the warm yellow glow of his flashlight. 

Dele swallowed thickly, his head felt heavy from his tears, and he sniffled as he sat on the couch beside his boyfriend. 

While his tears had slowed, Dele’s body was still thrumming with nervous energy and fear, his shoulders jumped with the occasional shiver, and the tight feeling in his chest, wound up and ready to snap was persistent. As Eric unzipped the backpack, Dele bought his free hand to his mouth, began to bite at the nail of his middle finger, breath passed raggedly out of his nose. 

Shame started to roll over him as he looked to his and Eric’s joined hands, he was pathetic, god he was so fucking scared and pathetic, clinging to Eric like a little kid, biting at his nails- a habit he’d kicked years ago and now here he was, horrified at a simple blackout. 

Dele leant and pressed his forehead to Eric’s shoulder, eyes closed ad he tried to hide his face, the evidence of his embarrassing meltdown. At the same time, despite his shame, and the embarrassment of Eric seeing him so childish and petrified, the fear he felt was so deep he couldn’t ease his grip on Eric, the thing keeping him afloat. 

Dele kept his eyes closed, pretended as if the lights were on and he had just closed his eyes, that the darkness was his choice and not something swarming around him.

The room was almost silent and Dele took slow breaths as he listened to Eric rustling around, felt the movement of his arm underneath his forehead, tried to focus on that and not the burning feeling in the centre of his chest. Eric’s hand stayed steadily in his own, fingers wrapped together tight, not loosening once. Dele squeezed at Eric’s hand every few moments just to feel him squeeze back. 

“Hey, baby” Eric’s voice was low and kind but it made Dele startle slightly nonetheless. Eric’s voice came again, lips pressed right by Dele’s ear, words a barely-there whisper. 

“Come on, come here, there are lights for you love” Dele shivered, pulled back and looked up through his lashes, his heart falling back to his chest when the room was no longer dark, instead illuminated by the warm glow of the cluster of candles on the coffee table. 

There had to be at least ten, maybe a handful more set up and lit across the table, all shapes and sizes. A few tiny tea lights, two big candles, the three wicks in them burning steadily, and a scatter of various others, some half burnt and other looked brand new, and god Dele had no idea why Eric had so many candles but he couldn’t even think about that now, not with the way the coiled fear tangled up over his heart and throat had finally started to ease, comfort rushing over him. 

“Okay?” Eric asked in that beautiful voice of his, deep with the intonation that wasn’t quite English or Portuguese, pretty and warm. It was one of the things Dele had first fallen for about him the afternoon they met. 

He could still recall the gorgeous voice that called out “do you need a hand with that?”. Dele hadn’t even laid eyes on Eric at that moment, his moving boxes stacked so high in his arms he couldn’t see over the top of it, yet a thrill had run low in his stomach at the mystery voice. 

“Yes please” Dele had called out, swaying as he attempted to steady the boxes against his chest from where they were slipping. The pretty voice man had taken the top two boxes off the pile to reveal the most handsome man he’d ever seen, pretty blue eyes and prince-like blond hair just visible out of the hood of his jumper. Dele had promptly dropped the other boxes he’d been holding right onto the handsome man’s foot. The rest was history. 

With a slow exhale, Dele nodded, a dark blush filled his cheeks as he looked at Eric for just a brief second, scared to see judgement in those pretty blue eyes. Dele bit his bottom lip into his mouth, looked down to their joined hands, scared of the silence, of having to explain himself, of what Eric thought of him now.

“Come on, s’cold in here” Eric continued, shuffled back into the couch and eased Dele into the space between his legs, tugged the boy back into his chest. 

Dele let out a heavy breath of relief at no longer having the pressure Eric’s gaze. He leant back easily into the width of Eric’s chest, felt his breaths finally come easily, chest expanding without a crushing pressure, fear no longer itching at his palms and low in his gut. The lights were on, he was safe, Eric had him, he was safe, the dark couldn’t last forever, he was safe Dele, repeated to himself over and over. 

The terror was overcome with a feeling of embarrassment, guilt and anger at himself for letting himself sob like that in front of Eric, for breaking down and crumbling the wall he had built so carefully and so surely around himself. 

“That’s why then” Eric eventually whispered after a few long moments and Dele turned his head to the left to chase the sound of his voice. He frowned as he tried to place meaning in the words. 

“Hm?” He inquired, tone soft and curious when Eric didn’t finish his sentence. He squeezed Eric’s hands where they were tangled up in his own, kept his eyes on the darting flame of the largest candle in the room, right in front of them.

“Oh” Eric continued, the word rumbled in his chest and Dele felt it buzz from where his back was pressed to him. “Well, I just” be paused, his thumb began a slow pattern on the back of Dele’s hand, he tucked his face into the curve of Dele’s neck, nose pressed to skin. 

“I’m guessing that’s why you never wanted to stay over right?” Eric asked, his words so quiet Dele could hear the uncertainty in them. His heart clenched painfully and he lifted Eric’s hand up to his lips, pressed a dry kiss to the skin as he thought of what to say. 

“I- I mean if, it’s not that, like of course if you just wanted to take things slow then I- I respect that it’s not like that’s the only reason that, I didn’t mean” Eric’s voice was faster than Dele had ever heard it, and he turned around to press his lips on Eric’s cheek in a quick peck. “S’ok” he whispered before he learnt back into Eric’s body, shut his eyes and took a slow, deep breath. 

“It’s um. Yeah” he confessed, blinked his eyes open and focused back on the flames of the candles set across the coffee table, counted all of them before he continued. 

“I didn’t really know how to like-“ he paused, tried again.

“S’not like there was a way to tell you I didn’t want to stay over because I’m scared of the dark that wasn’t going to make me seem completely lame” the last few words were a whisper and Dele bit hard into his bottom lip as he waited for Eric’s reaction to the confession, ‘Twenty three and scared of the dark’. 

He let out a nervous laugh when he was met with silence, “it’s not like I could ask you here either and have you see the lights I keep in my room and can’t sleep without” Dele added. 

“I know I can’t fall asleep without them, and I- I just” he trailed off, frustrated with himself. There had been times, more than a few that Dele had wanted to badly to stay over, had wanted to follow Eric into his bedroom and ignore the anxiety tight in his stomach. He had chickened out every time. 

A hot flush of shame washed over him as he remembered the times he’d rushed out of Eric’s apartment or car. The times he’d mumbled a lame excuse and shut his door in Eric’s face. Every time when he’d climbed into bed alone over the past few months he’d have to fight oncoming tears, convinced that he wouldn’t have a text waiting from Eric in the morning. 

But somehow, he always did. Somehow Eric never seemed to mind or bring it up at all. Never said it was odd that Dele couldn’t stay over when his own place was just two floors up form Eric’s. The only sign Dele ever saw of Eric acknowledging his odd behaviour was his tight-lipped smile and confused eyes whenever Dele would pull away. 

“Was never you, I- I hated leaving and I didn’t know how you tell you it wasn’t you without sounding cliche or explaining- I” Dele looked down at where Eric’s thumb was still running steadily back and forth on his hand, hadn’t moved or stopped. Not once. 

“I um- I didn’t want to you to be put off, you kinda seemed to be too good to be true, you were so understanding and kind and funny and I- I didn’t want you to think there was something wrong with me and lose that I- I really like how you treat me and I didn’t wanna change how you saw me” Dele paused, shivered when he felt Eric’s lips press a soft kiss on the back of his neck.

He didn’t speak and Dele was thankful, he wasn’t done yet, now that he’d started talking he wanted to get it all out. All or nothing, Eric could know it all and if he wanted to go he could, at least Dele would know then for sure. 

Dele shuffled, lent further back into Eric’s body, squeezed tighter to Eric’s hands and looked at the blanket laid over their legs, thick and red, a present from Molly last Christmas. 

“My uh, my biological mother” he paused for a moment, curled his toes down and breathed against the tightness in his chest, felt Eric’s body stiffen behind him. 

“My biological mother, She uh- when I was little, four or five you know and my biological sister was only young too- at night she would leave us at home a lot” Dele worried at his bottom lip with his teeth and took one hand out of Eric’s, instead securing one of the man’s hands between both of his. He flattened Eric’s hand flat against his and used his other hand to trace the shape of Eric’s fingers. Eric’s now free arm came to wrap around Dele’s waist, held him tight to his body.

“Like she’d go out to a bar or to get drugs and stuff or see um see some people- I” Dele fiddled with Eric’s hand to distract himself as he spoke. “I don’t really know I guess, but when he’d leave, she’d just lock us in our room, so we didn’t like, go anywhere or get into any trouble and we’d be safe I guess” Dele exhaled heavily. 

“I used to get really bad nightmares- I don’t know why, I still kinda get them sometimes and she never really helped me when them I guess when they happened anyway, but those nights when she’d leave I couldn’t even try to talk to her about it.” Dele fiddled with Eric’s thumb and heard the sound of passing cars from outside. 

“I was so scared I just used to stay sat up in bed unable to sleep and so scared cause I thought the morning would never come, It was just pitch black for hours” Dele mumbled, stumbled over a few words, cringed at his phrasing but he’d never said this stuff to anyone that wasn’t family, his real family, and two of his closest friends. 

It was something he’d never really told a partner either, one night stands he’d be out the door before it had to be an issue, not needing a proper excuse to leave. He’d only ever had one serious boyfriend before Eric, and Dele had been able to lie to him, to say he had an early class or his brother needed him, that he had practice or had to take care of his roommate’s dogs and couldn’t stay. He had come up with every excuse in the book to avoid staying over. 

The relationship had lasted five months before Ben had gotten sick of it. He’d asked Dele straight out why he wouldn’t stay over, ‘what his problem was’ and Dele had frozen. 

The judgement in his tone, the frustrated look in his eyes made Dele shut down, made him freeze, he couldn’t confess it out loud, couldn’t hear Ben laugh or not understand or call him childish. Dele couldn’t face the truth of it, the potential hurt of it. Deep down, Dele knew that wasn’t the only reason that things ended for them, that he and Ben weren’t the best match, he was quick to temper and had always put work before them. They had different priorities, different goals in the end, but Dele still couldn’t help but place partial blame on himself when he thought back on it. 

“Uh, and I guess that made me hate the dark, I would always feel like- unsafe and so scared in my room and I just” Dele shrugged, thought of the way his throat had gone tight, how his heart rate had doubled in pace when the lights cut out. He remembered the way his stomach had flipped and a familiar fear had taken grip, made the dark space of his home, feel tiny and foreign and unsafe. How he felt like it was impossible to breathe as his brain scrambled to remember where his phone was so he could switch a light on. 

“It sounds so- so stupid- I know but I can’t explain it- it’s like now whenever I’m in the complete dark this fear takes over my body and I can’t fight it” Dele let out a slow breath and flipped Eric’s hand over between his own, looked over the lines of his palm and focused in the fact Eric was still pressed securely behind him. 

“Sometimes I still get the nightmares even if I sleep with my lights on, too- but usually I get through the night without them if I have a light on” Dele added before he fell quiet, turned his head to the side and shyly nudged his head back against Eric’s to let him know he didn’t have anything else to say in that moment. 

Dele’s chest was tied up in anxiety, stomach uneasy as he waited in silence, fidgeting with Eric’s hands. Eric’s arm that was around his waist squeezed in tighter around Dele and he kissed the skin behind his ear before he finally spoke. 

“Dele, I like you so much” Dele opened his mouth to reply, but Eric shook his head, pressed another soft kiss to Dele’s neck, “lemme speak please baby” he whispered and Dele flushed softly, nodded and closed his eyes and let out a slow breath. 

“Dele, I like you so much, you matter so much to me, These past few months have been some of the best months I’ve known. Things are better with you around, you make me laugh, you push me to be better, you support me and care about me” Eric’s voice was soft and Dele felt his cheeks go hot, he squirmed where he was sitting but Eric anticipated the movement, his hand stayed firm on his waist, kept Dele anchored close to him. 

“You’re so kind and affectionate and annoying and competitive and weird sometimes, and your music taste sucks” Dele whined and poked his finger hard into Eric’s thigh, made Eric laugh warmly. 

“Thought you were being nice” Dele mumbled, and Eric breathed out another laugh, pressed a kiss to the side of Dele’s head “lemme finish” Eric huffed. 

“But all those things about you are why I like you, I like the weird and odd things about you too, even the bad parts or parts you don’t like, I wanna get to know you Del, all parts of you because I care about you, it all matters to me, and this isn’t even a bad thing or a weird thing it’s just another thing that I feel lucky to know about you” Eric paused for a moment and the sound of cars rushing by outside was the only noise in the flat for a few breaths. “Bamidele Alli, really just Dele, loves Fifa and fortnight and his family, hates crisps and olives but loves popcorn and coffee, likes to be the little spoon and sleeps with a light on” eric said it so casually, so much softer than the anxiety in Dele’s head shouted it at him. 

Dele’s tear ducts burned with the threat of tears and he closed his eyes, a smile on his face that he couldn’t push down. 

“If anything I just wish you’d told me sooner so you didn’t have to worry about it” Eric spoke softly, tugged on Dele’s hip until he got the idea and turned in Eric’s lap, sat across his hips. Dele wrapped his arms around Eric’s neck and shuffled in to tuck his face into Eric’s neck, not quite ready to face Eric just yet. 

Eric went with it, both arms came around Dele’s waist and he tucked his face in to press his lips to Dele’s ear. 

“To be honest I’m relieved because I thought that maybe- it was me you know? Like you didn’t want me” Eric’s voice was low and a bit shaky, full with honesty. Dele’s heart clenched and he slid a hand up into Eric’s hair, fingers tangled into the short strands, his thumb rubbed back and forth along Eric’s hairline across his neck. 

“No, no, no” Dele whispered, pulled back to press his forehead against Eric’s, tilted his chin up to press the softest kiss to Eric’s lips, lingered for just a second before he pulled away. “Pulling away from you was kinda impossible” Dele laughed breathily, thinking of the times he’d nearly stumbled into Eric’s bedroom with him because of how Eric was kissing him had his mind blank of anything but more, more Eric, more of his hands, his mouth- everything. 

“I just- I didn’t want to lie to you” Dele whispered, let out a slow breath as he felt one of Eric’s hands come up to take his own from behind his neck and tangle their fingers together, holding their hands between their bodies. 

“I didn’t want to sleep with you and then have to make up some stupid excuse and leave- I knew you’d see through it, or just think I’m an arsehole” Dele chewed at his bottom lip.

“I, I like you so much too and I just I didn’t want you to think us sleeping together would be just that- because it wouldn’t be it- it’s not just that for me” Dele confessed, cheeks a dark pink. Maybe it was too much, too heavy for only three months together, but Dele had this feeling about Eric. It was a feeling somewhere in his chest, when Eric kissed him, looked at him with a smile, laughed at one of Dele’s dumb jokes, when he pulled up in his car to pick up Dele for a date, got out and opened the door for him. 

There was something about Eric that made sense, made him feel safe. If Dele dared to hope, he could hope that feeling meant this was something real. 

“And I didn’t want to make you think I was pathetic so I just, I was stuck, you know I didn’t know how to make it work either way and I just, I hid from it” Dele sighed. “Of course I wanted you, I wanted you too much, I couldn’t have it be a lie” Dele assured him, leant in to brush his lips over Eric’s in a sweet kiss, lingered there when Eric licked over his bottom lip, let the kiss melt into something soft, something tender and warm and just for them. Dele sighed and his fingers relaxed against Eric’s neck, skimmed lightly to curl around the cuff of his ear, the lightest touch of skin to skin.

With a tilt of his head to the left, he felt Eric sigh between one kiss and the next, licked over his tongue and made Dele’s heart skip just a bit. Eric pulled away after a moment, pressed his lips by Dele’s nose before he pulled back, a small smile on his lips. 

“You’re so lovely Del, and I get why you were nervous to tell me, it’s a personal thing and you shouldn’t have to tell me just because you feel like you have to, but thank you for telling me” Eric whispered soft and low, leant in to kiss Dele again in two small pecks. Dele let out a small hum and tucked his nose into the side of Eric’s cheek, let his lashes brush Eric’s skin as he blinked. 

“And it doesn’t change anything for me, except that maybe that I'll need to buy some lights for my room” Eric shrugged, simple as that and Dele pulled back, cupped Eric’s face in both hands, eyes wet as he looked at his man. 

“You, you don’t have to do that for me-” Dele sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, blinked again wetly and felt his hands tremble. The kindness of Eric’s words made Dele’s heart lodge in his throat, and a few more tears filled his eyes as he looked at him 

“I do, and I want to” Eric confirmed, leant in to press a kiss to Dele’s lips, trailed the kisses along his cheeks, fingers came up to wipe away a few tears. 

“I want you to feel safe with me, Del I- if I can give you that, that matters to me, of course I’ll put up lights for you” he breathed, smudged a kiss to Dele’s jaw. 

Dele’s heart did something stupid, a thud and a flip of his stomach that made him bite back a soft sound. How on earth did he get so lucky to have this boy in his life? 

With a little sigh, Dele reached up to wipe at his wet eyes, shook his head and let out a huff. “Sorry for crying on you like that” Dele let out a small laugh, sniffled before he blinked hard, took a deep breath. 

“Mmm s’ok, it was hot” Eric smirked, his hands fit to Dele’s hips and squeezed tight, wiggled his eyebrows to make Dele laugh. “But, really Dele, I’m just glad I came up to check on you, I don’t like the idea of you up here freaking out alone- you can keep all these candles and I can bring some extra ones up if you need them” Eric explained, eyes soft as a hand slipped up under the back of Dele’s shirt. 

Dele shook his head, wrapped both arms around Eric’s neck and pressed a light kiss to his nose. “You wanna stay? Please? You can if you want- I, I’d really like you to” Dele spoke quickly, fumbling over the words before he took a deep breath in, trying to settle. 

“Just stay with me” Dele smiled, reached over to drag his fingertips over Eric’s soft hair.

“Course I’ll stay” Eric beamed, tilted his head up into Eric’s touch. “Bought my laptop- I’ll say I’ve got enough charge on it for like two movies at least? Does that sound good?” He asked, and Dele nodded, a smile filled his face as he cupped Eric’s face in his hand.

“Think of everything don’t you?” Dele muttered, leant down to steal another kiss.

They don’t really watch the movies but let them play out on the laptop sitting on the coffee table anyway, the candles off to one side and steadily burning. They, in truth, spend the entire night talking, hands tangled together and voices low and soft. 

Dele fought his tired and drooping eyes to stay up with Eric, talking about everything and nothing. It surprises Dele how easy it is to tell Eric things, to talk about his childhood, about the few years he had to live with his dad in Nigeria and how alone he felt. 

They talked about their favourite foods, about the first job Eric had and got fired from, what growing up in Portugal was like for Eric. They traded stories, stupid and serious ones, talked and talked till Dele was falling asleep against Eric’s chest, yawning heavily between his words. The sun is coming up when they finally fall asleep, wrapped up on the couch with a blanket tugged over their legs. 

At seven am Dele awoke with a start, jolted up with a gasp from Eric’s chest, looking around his apartment with groggy eyes. He frantically pulled away from Eric’s warm body and scrambled for Eric’s laptop, dragged his fingertips along the keypad to wake it up. “Fuck fuck fuck” he whined when he saw the digits on the upper right corner of the screen, dropped the laptop to the couch and climbed up, grabbed his phone off the coffee table and shoved it in his pocket and rushed off in the direction of his bedroom. 

He muttered a chant of “fuck fuck fuck” under his breath as he rushed around his room to dig out a pair of black jeans, stripped quickly out of his sweats and tugged the jeans on instead, stripped out of his hoodie and shirt and tossed it on to the bed. Dele stepped into his bathroom and quickly ran deodorant under his arms, ducked down to splash his face with cold water before he rushed back out to the kitchen, grabbed a banana out of the fruit bowl and shoved his feet into a pair of black vans. 

“Del?” Eric’s voice called out softly from the living room and Dele spun around, made his way back out to the couch and came to a stop when he saw Eric half sat up on the couch, his jumper messily twisted around his torso, eyes sleepy and faced confused. 

“Hi” Dele said with a soft smile and a heavy exhale, butterflies jumped in his stomach and fizzed around his ribs, fondness warm in his chest. “Hey, good morning, I- I’m sorry I have work and my phone is still dead and no alarm and I” Dele trailed off, very aware of his lack of shirt now that he was stood in front of Eric with his eyes on him. 

“I start at half-past seven, and I get off at five if you wanna um, get dinner or something- or I don’t know you might have plans I-” Dele joined his hands and twisted them nervously in front of himself.

“Of course, yeah- I’ll, I’ll come meet you at the restaurant and we can pick somewhere to go eat” Eric agreed, tugged the blanket up around him with a heavy yawn. 

“Okay” Dele nodded, his smile making his cheeks hurt as he looked over Eric, ached to be back on the couch with him. 

“Okay, yeah, sorry- I have to go, I’m gonna be late” Dele explained as he walked over to his small laundry, fished out his clean work shirt and tugged it over his head. 

Dele stepped back out, scooped his wallet off the sideboard and shoved it in his pocket before he turned to face Eric once more. “Um- make yourself at home ok? There’s a spare key in my bedside table you can just take that and uh- yeah there’s coffee pods and bread and cereal and stuff” Dele explained, a flush on his cheeks. 

Eric nodded a small smile on his lips “Ok, thanks Del- that’s, perfect, I’ll uh, I’ll get out of here soon and make sure the place is locked up, thanks for letting me crash last night” Eric said, rubbed at his tired eyes with the back of his hand. 

He looked so sweet Dele’s stomach ached with it and he had to press his fingers to his lips to try and hide his fond smile. 

“Thank you for last night” Dele replied, rocked up onto his toes and swung his hands by his sides uselessly. “Ok” Dele muttered to himself, hesitated before he walked quickly over to Eric, gathered his face in his palms and pressed his lips in a quick, dry kiss over Eric’s, pulled back after a second only for Eric’s hand to catch the back of his neck and pull him back in. The kiss was softer, just a wet brush of lips that made Dele shiver, melt closer to him. Eric tasted bitter and like sleep but Dele lingered a few seconds longer, lips moving sweet and slow. They broke apart and Dele flushed when Eric pressed a final kiss to his cheek. 

“Have a good day at work” Eric whispered 

“Ok shit, I really have to go love, I’ll uh charge my phone at work, so text me if you need anything, you can like shower or help yourself to whatever” Dele blurted out, grabbed his keys and his thick winter coat and a scarf off the coat rack before he rushed out the door. 

Dele was distracted during his shift, but who could blame him, he was running off like four hours of sleep, had a double shot coffee when he got in to work, but was still exhausted, muffling yawns all day into his elbow, drifting off and gazing out the window to the people passing by. 

He felt like he was wrapped up in a bubble of Eric all day, his mind preoccupied with the way he could still feel the warmth of Eric against him, everything they spoke about last night, how easily Eric had taken care of him, genuinely looked after him, made sure the candles stayed lit, had rubbed Dele’s back in slow petting motions, pressed small kisses to his hairline between stories. How he’d listened intently to every last word Dele said, asked questions and even laughed at his stupid jokes. 

He almost felt like he was drunk, unable to focus on what kind of milk the lady of table four asked for in her coffee, because the image of Eric curled up on his couch, half asleep and rumpled, waking up to Eric if only for a few seconds, was all Dele had dreamed of the past few weeks. 

They go back to Eric’s that night after dinner at a new Greek place, hands tangled together as they wander down the hallway, Eric swinging their hands between their bodies. It was quiet and there was a flush working its way steadily up Dele’s cheeks. When they got to Eric’s door, Dele leaned back against the door, looked down at his and Eric’s hands, scuffed his foot against the ground. 

“Sooo” Dele mumbled, the word drawn out as he kept his eyes resolutely down, heart rate picking up. The thing is, there had been an undercurrent all night, a promise of something lingering under each touch and little kiss, stolen looks across the table. There was finally no reason for Dele not to stay over that night, or to have Eric stay over at his, it had anticipation thick in the pit of his stomach, excitement fizzing in his veins. 

Two of Eric’s fingers came up to collect Dele’s chin, tilt him up so that their eyes met, a shy smile on his lips. “So” Eric grinned, took a step in to press their foreheads together. 

“Do you wanna come in, wanna stay?” Eric asked softly. 

Dele felt a light in his chest, a smile pulled across his lips bright and sure as he nodded, reached his hands to Eric’s hips, tugged him in to press their bodies together. “Yeah, yeah I do” he agreed, no hesitation in his voice. 

Dele didn’t cry when he saw the Christmas lights wrapped around Eric’s headboard (sure that they weren’t there until today, after their conversation last night). 

He didn’t cry at the fact this gorgeous boy had gone and added these to his room just for him, he did, however, kick Eric’s bedroom door shut behind then and sink to his knees, ready to show him how much he appreciated him.


End file.
